She Rose High – Chapter One, Part 1

6 thoughts on “She Rose High – Chapter One, Part 1”

  1. Hi 🙂

    So here I am ready to shred your chapter (evil me… But then you’re welcome to do the same with any snippet on my blog ;-))

    I really like the idea of the story. I know it will be about the Titanic (yes, I’ve seen your Pinterest board, I confess I’m guilty – and I also love it!), but in general I like historical novels, so this is just my cup of tea. This said, I do think the chapter could be improved, so I’m going to throw some ideas at you, and of course you can take them or ditch them as you please.

    Firstly, I think you should just cut it completely.

    Did I scare you? 😉

    No seriously, I’ll tell you I’m not a fan of prologues, so please take this into account, and I know this is chapter 1, but it does sound like a prologue beginning to end. I understand the little girl is going to be the MC, so personally I’d just start when she’s in the position to be the MC (preferably the POV character as well) and best of all, in a spot where the story starts moving. If this character is going to end up on the Titanic and that’s what the story is about (but I’m just assuming, here), I’d really consider starting in the moment when that event shapes up. Everything I see here could be easily worked into the story as it unfolds.

    So, now. In case you don’t want to cut the chapter (but I don’t see why you wouldn’t since I’m so persuading… ah-uhm…) I still have a few suggestions.

    There are many little things that stifle the narration, in my opinion. One is the names you choose for the two sisters. I know this is a omni POV, but you’re still using the two women’s perspective most of the time, so it sounded weird to me that the narrator used Old Miss Heathering and Young Miss Heathering to refer to them. Wouldn’t they rather think to each other as Felicia and Maggie? It would be a lot easier to read too, because the names you use are… I won’t say difficult to read, but they are certainly cumbersome.

    The dialogue sounds stiffen to me. Most of it is clearly designed to convey info and doesn’t really sound like conversation. But I like the way the personality of the characters filter through. It’s especially from the dialogue that I get an impression of each character’s personality, and it comes across very vividly.
    Because this chapter is clearly geared at giving information, I spotted info-dump here and there. The most jarring occurrence is the info given about Felicia and Joseph’s past. Is this going to be relevant to the story? If this is the case, I’d try to suggest it thought dialogue and situation rather than just having the narrator deliver it to the reader straight away. As it appears, it feels out of context, and it slow the pace down tremendously.

    So I think these are interesting, likable characters and I’d be happy to read more about them.

    See if anything in this rambling can be of any use to you. I hope so 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Joye. First of all thank you for following my Blog, I appreciate viewers and readers. You didn’t ask for Critiques but Jassfeathers has a point, long-winded prologues and chapter descriptions will be slammed onto the slush pile quickly and be forgotten. I didn’t get much past the first few paragraphs, but for me it’s a time thing, I just don’t have it today. I am following this Blog now, so I will be back. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello Lockie, it’s my pleasure to follow your writing. I don’t believe in writing at all if you don’t expose it to the elements 😊

    In any story, it’s important not to waste a reader’s time. In my book Cress in Waterbee, the action is instantaneous. I have sample chapters in the My Writing-Young Adult section. It was necessary because the events in chapter one influence the characters’ behavior in the rest of the book.

    My goal for She Rose High is to have the characters’ past experience drive their actions at the sinking. I debated mentioning Titanic, because it does affect the reader’s expectations. On the other hand, if I keep it from the reader, I risk the eye-rolling. ‘I’m three chapters in and it’s a Titanic story?’

    I will work on balancing that, and thanks for reading. Any time someone outside my target audience reads even a few paragraphs, it’s a big help. Many thanks!

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