Like adamantium to Wolverine, Barbie is fused to my bones. My childhood spanned the entire 80’s, where Barbie went from Super Star Barbie Fashion Face (with a wolf whistle in the commercial so the Simpsons’ take wasn’t as far off as you hoped) to Barbie becoming an astronaut. In between, she was the proud owner of a pair of Fashion Jeans, obtained a medical doctorate, got into Great Shape, and headed both a rock band and a 1950’s girl group. As I went from ages 5 to 15, Barbie’s catchphrase of ‘we girls can do anything’ became my own. It was a given that I could love weddings and go to the moon.
Amid all these activities, Barbie was never without the unflagging support of Ken. Wherever Barbie went—the West, the gym, the O/R—Ken’s pearly white smile and broad shoulders were sure to follow. But did this mean Ken was a same-age gigolo contented to be bossed around by his super-hot girlfriend? I never saw him that way, and for years the Ken Hate thoroughly confused me. My thoughts on Ken can be summed up in one of the commercials that aired when Barbie headed a rock band. The first iteration included three of her POC girlfriends and a white guy named Derek. Oh man did I love Derek. His dark brown pompadour told you this was a whole other guy from Ken. While Derek was a heartthrob, he and Barbie kept it professional. In my world, Derek and the Asian girl were madly in love. Anyway, a couple of months after the rock band hit toy stores, there was a new addition—Ken! Zsuzsed up to 80’s hair-band glory, Ken had finally joined the line-up. So why wasn’t he there from the jump? The commercial filled us in:
Ken: When Barbie asked me to join the band—
Barbie: He said—
Ken: That’s cool.
Barbie: Now I dance with my maaaaan (cue Wayne’s World guitars)
This aligned with my perception of Ken, one I hold to this day and won’t be swayed from. Ken be chillin’. He be chillin’ yo! Did he ask to join Barbie’s band? Was he worried about Derek? Nah, fam. Ken was straight up chillin’. We never got an insight on what Ken was doing while Barbie toured without him. But at some point, she decided the band could use his talent. Naturally she checked in with the other members, and they too decided it was cool. They even made cartoons of Barbie’s rock band, which my brother and I wore out on the VCR. It was great to have a brother when playing Barbies. He happily played both Ken and Derek, and brought the correct masculine energy without turning it into Mortal Kombat. Often our Star Wars-Barbie-Transformer worlds combined into one super force when the universe needed saving, so it helped that Barbie knew her way around space.
But back to Ken. How centered do you have to be to respond to a rock band invite with ‘That’s cool’? Really, how centered do you have to be to date a woman like Barbie? Keanu Reeves centered, maybe? If my childhood self had known the concept, I would’ve identified Ken as an introvert. Like many introverts, Ken’s partner is the opposite—a mover and a shaker, the life of the party with a definite vision of what she wants and how to get it. But does it follow that Ken is just arm candy who can’t think for himself? That Barbie’s been forced into an active role because Ken doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude to lead the expedition?
These are common assumptions about the Barbie-Ken dynamic, and frankly my dear . . . I find them insulting. Why does the idea persist that Barbie’s only a doctor because she can’t get a man to do it for her? And why is it so far beyond imagination that after a 30-hour shift, Barbie might want to rest her head on the firm chest of her loving boyfriend? It’s like people can’t grasp that a woman’s career fulfills one side of her while relationships fill the other. And while a career won’t meet the need for relationships, the reverse is equally true. Through the dirty lens of Barbie-is-strong-so-Ken-must-be-weak, people hold on to misleading ideas about men and women. Might we entertain the possibility that Ken has nothing to prove? What is he doing when Bob Mackie and Oscar de la Renta are designing collections for Barbie? Maybe he’s drained by socializing and can’t with the stupid people.
The other day I had a realization. Amid the Barbiemania of late, I wondered why I seem to be the only person who has this take on Ken. Barbie comes into our lives at a very early age, and her presence is awe-inspiring. She is not a baby or little child, but a female adult partnered with a male adult. And because she’s an adult, Barbie dwells in a world as remote and unreal as any dreamland—at least from the vantage point of the barely potty-trained. It put me in mind of another female adult brought into our lives at an early age, along with her male partner. I find it interesting that as soon as we discover we’re related to the big people we live with, a second pair of adults arrive about the same time, if in bright pink boxes. Does the fact that my dad is an introvert who doesn’t mind going along with my mom’s exciting ideas have anything to do with where I land in the Barbie/Ken debate?
Perhaps it was kismet that my parents had their 50th anniversary while The Barbie Movie cleared a billion. Talk about four adults who shaped my identity celebrating their success—and at the same time! But crazily enough, I don’t plan to see the Barbie movie. As much as I like Ryan Gosling, I never saw Ken the way the movie does. I was totally expecting Chris Hemsworth to play the role, but maybe one iconic blonde is enough for him. Never mind I’ve had 40+ years to draw my own conclusions about Barbie and Ken. I like to imagine Barbie resting her head on Ken’s chest while she reads the latest sales. When she comes to the word ‘billion’, Ken just sips a brewsky and smiles.
‘That’s cool.’
