To: The General Public
From: Human Resources Dept of Joye Johnson, Inc.
Subject: How to make Joye mad
We apologize for the confusion that seems to surround the matter of how to incite the fury of our company’s founder and chairman. After lengthy discussions with our CEO, we have decided that the following shall heretofore and evermore become the instructions on How to Make Joye Mad:
1. Book a flight to Mount Everest.
2. Climb Mount Everest to the helipad named ‘Make Joye Mad’.
3. Board the chopper, which will fly you to Outer Mongolia.
4. When you land in Outer Mongolia, the seventh yurt from the left is a secret elevator. Take that elevator down to the 59th floor.
5. Undergo retinal, fingerprint and DNA scan to confirm your identity.
6. Inform the receptionist that you are there to ‘make Joye mad’. She will ask you three times if this is your sole purpose in coming. You must answer in the affirmative all three times before proceeding.
7. Use voice-activated key code to open the 12-inch thick steel door behind the receptionist. Vocal code is ‘I want to make Joye mad’.
8. You will then enter a hallway with ten closed doors. Above each door is a sign that indicates the purpose of the room beyond. Enter through the door that says ‘Make Joye Mad’.
9. The receptionist in this room will hand you a detonator. She will also have three copies of a waiver that must be signed before a notary public before you proceed. The onsite notary public charges $500 for the first five minutes, $400 for each additional minute. CASH ONLY (US Dollar or British Pound Sterling)
10. The detonator will consist of a single red button, on which are printed the words ‘Pressing this button will result in making Joye mad. If you wish to continue, please imagine yourself on a tropical island surrounded by gorgeous humans of your choice. Please cherish this image, as it will be the last thing you see before you are hurtled into oblivion. If you are 100% certain you want to make Joye mad, press this button.’
11. Since your essence will be reduced to atoms, we suggest you dress ‘business casual’.
We hope this set of instructions will clarify all issues in relation to how to make Joye mad. Thank you, and don’t forget to wish Randy in Sales a happy retirement!
Human Resources Department
One thought on “A Step-by-Step Guide on How to Infuriate Me”
This is Gailee Walker Wells. We’d met at the Saturday Farmer’s Market in Temecula and I had arranged for you to have a space at the Oceanside literary festival.
I’m getting ready to announce a call for writers for a project our theatre company is doing and would like to include you. I can’t find your card.