Up until 2 years ago, I was repulsed by the idea of dating a younger man. The one-two punch of social convention and emotional need ruled out anyone more than a year or two below me. My dream guy was older, smarter, and wealthier than me. I was not picky about looks or height (despite being 5’9″). I am the proud owner of a celebrity crush on Paul Giamatti. Give me brains over brawn any day. I certainly had nothing to prove, no biological clock demanding I reproduce. Continue reading
Attraction
A Match is Made…kind of
We called it Concentration. Others know it as Memory, where you lay out a deck of cards face down, then search for matches. The memory part was to keep track of where the cards were. Say I turn over a nine and a jack.Not a match – waa waaaa. Next I turn over a two and a nine. Now where was that first nine? Third row, fifth card from the right? Yesss! You get a rush – a match is made. Continue reading
Most Men Are a Maybe
I know women are supposed to be mysterious, but allow me to lift one of our seven veils. We are taught—by a parent or hard knocks—that men will only want us if we make ourselves almost impossible to get, that men must engage in epic derring-do before we accept their affections. But you know that myth about women deciding about men within 5 seconds? Well…
It’s true.
But have we made the inexorable yea-or-nea? Are men sunk before they hit the water? Continue reading
Innie or Outie?
It’s what’s inside that counts. Beauty’s only skin-deep. These platitudes are truth, as many a divorcee could tell you. A kind person has more value than a good-looking person. Looks fade, encourage complacency, enable vacuousness. If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life…
And yet we have eyes. Let’s start with the Outies. There are countless examples of beauty in nature that serve no purpose but to please the eye. Peacocks, parrots, swans – what are all them feathers for? To please the eye. This same thing happens to humans. The more pleasing to the eye someone is, the more likely they are to attract a mate. But what usually happens? The person is great on the surface and a train wreck underneath. Or they unwittingly fail to meet your expectations – she looks like Wonder Woman but has no personality. Through hard knocks we learn that a square jaw a man does not make. And yet we have eyes…
What about the Innies? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve never seen an ornery crow. It’s true that their calls are not melodic and they will eat just about anything. They are not your high-class bird, but they have great personalities. I’ve seen crows my entire suburban life and never once has one pecked at my head or dropped a deuce on my car. Believe me, you haven’t freaked out until a bird pecks at your head. But my point is, why do crows have such a bad rap? You never see them in pet stores, and the only time they get attention is around Halloween. Once again, our accursed eyes get us in trouble. Same goes for the people equivalent of crows –how many great personalities find themselves in plumage that fails to attract?
Unlike crows, we humans have more control over our appearance. But we also have the ability to alter our perceptions. We seek out and appreciate physical beauty, but know that strength of character is the real treasure. And this is not easy for me to type, but how you appear sends a message about your character. Not everyone can look like Tyson Beckford or that guy who played Thor, and you don’t have to be epically beautiful to be attractive. But people who let themselves go and expect the other person to ‘love them for who they are inside’ are making a statement about their character. To them I say this – ‘I’m happy with the inner you if you’re happy with cuddling.’
Being the complex machines we are, four things must happen at once: the best presentation of our two selves and the best perception of the two selves of others. Derp? What I mean is this: we can’t expect our beauty to make up for any dry rot. And we can’t help ourselves to that third Big Mac because we helped an old lady across the street. Instead, let’s think of what singing lessons and a little self-respect would do for crows.
Come on, guys. Work with me! 
